My thoughts still dwell in the past… the image of me that I used to be, branded in my heart like white-hot iron, clinging like a stubborn spot of dirt on a plate.
It always confuses me, the incongruence of my sense of self and what I project for the outside world to see. Which one is me NOW? Did I metamoprhose too fast, that I’m still feeling my old skin crawling all over me? Where and when, if it truly had happened, did I shed it?
Did I simply mold too well into my mask that I even managed to deceive my own self into thinking that it’s my real self?
Yeah. It doesn’t even have a date. I just stumbled upon this note scribbled on one of my notebooks. I don’t even remember on what occasion I wrote that. Interesting… (nana style ^_^) Yeah, whatever. I guess I have now found my body back, not trapped like Kafka’s character (whatshisnameagain?)
I am now fully in the present tense: being, breathing, am happy. It’s amazing what a simple drop of honesty can do. I’m being me and I guess that fulfills my whole container. Don’t need anything else. Never thought that I could be this… hmm… this… authentic (euuuw I hate this word…sounds so very cheesy)
Yeah, my life’s been in the fast track for the past month. Still accelerating down the road… especially with finals coming up, and papers, and GB works, and Dewa ticketing works… when it’s time to fly back home I’ll suddenly hit a full stop. Can only hope my brake’s firm enough to withstand the impulse.
Okay, time to get back to work. 10-page paper and it’s only 25% of the grade???? (And I haven’t written a word… and it’s due tomorrow at 5…)
Footnote: I like Blogger’s new look! Refreshingly cool! I should try out their templates…
Footnote2: after slacking off in updating my blog for a week, I finally muster up enough will to write something. Now I want ppl to post comments!