It’s a weird feeling. When I don’t have anybody to rely on, I grow stronger coz I feel I have to fend for myself. Especially when there’s nobody for me but somebody’s relying on to me. I’d exert my best, hide my pain, and help the somebody.
But when someone comes along, a figure larger than I am, someone I can rely on and be manja with…. then I’m suddenly transformed into this passive wimp. He/she’ll sort things out, I don’t have to be brave or strong coz I have someone stronger than I am… It’s sort of nice, to be able to lay back and relax behind somebody’s back, but I don’t wanna be the stereotypical “feeble” female (which I think I would be if I keep relegating responsibilities to this someone)
[I think I’m in it already! Oh no!]
On a contradictory note: if a superior someone appears in my intellectual world, the opposite of what happens in my emotional domain would come about. I would feel challenged and actually driven to outpace this perceived rival. Ha. But then it would also have to be someone close to me, or I’ll just be like: “Yeah, whatever….” and not too intimate or I’ll be like: “Yeah, isn’t she/he cool?”
Is it just me or all other females in the world are feeling the same?
Am I being too fluttery these days?